nvrknowy22's Blog

The Mirror  
Day after day he stared through the mirror... Yet hour after hour the reflection got no clearer.

The years they passed without an answer to this riddle, too many seasons gone with too little reason to go on.

Then it hit him and the world he saw went helter skelter and became brand new and raw.

Down went up and up went right, the haunts which roamed his dreams all but vanished from his nights.

He made a pact to change tomorrow, and find The One who would banish his sorrow.

He saw her grace in a torch once lit, so he fanned the flame but soon found out this fire didn't fit.

The structure was there but he couldn't escape this simple truth that something was missing, important details that had gone aloof.

Now lost and alone, and confused more than ever, trapped in a world he didn't wish to remember.

The mirror on the wall once thought to be gone, materialized out of the dark, a constant reminder of how he'll forever be alone.

Then something odd... intriguing but strange... The mirror, so cloudy, so distant, so cold gave way to the light, clarity came in an instant.

A simple request that was made in a note, somehow pulled at his strings as he read what she wrote.

It wasn't something new he'd heard it before but something said, "answer and wonder no more".

His reply wasn't eloquent or lengthy or deep, but it was his response that had led her meet.

They bickered and argued and poked at one another, each testing the water for they knew soon it would matter.

When finally it was settled and they decided to meet he had a lump in his throat and heard pleas for retreat.

But he wouldn't be swayed not this time no chance. He knew something was different, they were meant for this dance.

He approached her home, and was startled at the sight.... This structure he knew it, it was there in his nights.

When she walked out the door he couldn't believe what he saw, The One in the mirror, the mirror on his wall!

He could hardly contain it and keep it inside he wanted to tell her, but held back by his pride he closed up his heart and decided to hide.

How could this be the details so clear? How could I know her? I've never been here!

He thought to himself believed himself crazy "They'll lock me up for sure! My God I'm so dizzy!"

But she told him her stories, her words crystal clear, their lives were entangled, for fate drew them near.

The pictures she painted, of her dreams and her fears, startled him with revelations as he fought back the tears.

Images so vivid and lively and real, no reason to doubt her, he'd seen it too,  already accepted the deal.

"Dead by 30" was the writing on the wall, both knew it was coming but who would give all?

With a strange sense of completeness he looked back at the mirror, the paths to be taken had never been clearer.

He continued to listen, as difficult as it was, he knew of the reason for all that he does.

Through all of this pain, long passed and yet  to come, he knew it, no mistaken, that SHE was the reason, the mirror, The One.

So he looked in the mirror with a satisfied grin but the truth of their being had yet to begin.

They grew closer and tighter their bonds never weak. It was like they were partners on the voyage up this peak.

The mountain they were climbing not easy no joke, but they must feed the fire, this monster they awoke.

It was passion and pain, with emotions unreal, mix that with confusion and lust so surreal.

The concoction left over was potent to say the least like a bomb always ticking without a release.

He loved her no doubt, unconditional and pure, true love was throughout him and sure to endure.

But it couldn't be so simple no way not a chance. Though her love had awakened it was fragile and pale, there were ghosts in her closet she said, "It's too delicate and will fail".

His heart through the years all the pain and the tears, was hardened and calloused and he knew he could deal.

So their story kept writing one page before the next each learned of more quarks and became more perplexed.

She showed him her life with wondrous dictation, of her wants and beliefs and desires and fears.

He knew very quickly what had driven her gears.

What she felt she put to action deliberate and true. With her heart on her sleeve their relationship grew.

They tried and they tried to not let it be, but their fate had been written and soon would come to be.

A typical bond? Ha ha! This one it wasn't! She thought him to be strange and he knew that she wasn't
.
She didn't want to love him were the words that she spat. But verses from her scripts taught him better than that.

"Be without being" was the line that she sung and with a gasp of sweet air he embraced her, his One.

Each made their mistakes, unimaginable and cold but each was forgiven for they've more story to be told.

He's stood by her side with a resolve never matched. His faith in her never failing or coming detached.

"Somewhere in the middle, between love and nothing, between the sheets, between her nights, somewhere in the middle of all these days and all his nights."

He looked through his mirror as a light to her soul, with all of its wonder and beauty untold.

The fact that he loved she thought was untrue but with each selfless act he showed his virtue.

Too many things that wouldn't be said, as they found each in each other as they lie in her bed.

The unspoken words could have ripped them apart. But her subtle displays proved him close to her heart.

Their lives ,as they struggle to just find a way, grow dimmer and weaker as they fade away.

Though the future before them looks empty and bleak they hold to each other to find what they seek.

He needs her to know that she's never alone, to be accepted and cared for and there till they're gone
.
She needs him to be strong and better than the rest, to hold her and keep her and pass this last test.

She looks through her mirror and knows what she sees,  for fate placed him there and planted its seeds.

She knew long ago that the image would come, no point in running away she knows he's her one.

The one to stand tall and endure all the pain, to shelter her heart and shield her from rain.

With nothing in return he'll love her and stay. He'll fight in her dreams and keep nightmares away.

Shell never say it, but he knows what is true, it's obvious there's something nothing out of the blue.

So the mirror that's between them, is symbolic you see.... their reflections are fateful and frightfully

free. If one image fades the other ceases to be and fades into nothing like a past memory.

They must find a way to stay in the now,  to cherish each other no matter the how.

Her light gives him peace and strength for tomorrow while his heart gives her hope and drowns out the sorrow.

The story continues with each passing day, not a thing in their world could take it away.

They have to stay strong and try to be better, hold on to each close, and pull them in nearer. Trust in their reflection, their image, their mirror...
 
 
 
Perception... It IS our reality.

Well darling...here we are...this time, I meant it. I must be going now..its the last thing I want to do in this world.... God if you only knew how this rips me apart inside, every minute, every day, its gut wrenching to love you so completely, so raw, and know you have never cared for me.

I wish you knew how to love me. i wish you could do more than just damage.

Meeting you, knowing you...changed me forever.
Even absent, you make quite an impression.
Even still today. In everything around me, there is a thought, a memory of you.
And I cry always.
And I DO take full responsibility for my feelings..and Im NOT SORRY.
I love you, I have loved you so much its the only thing I know in this world to be true.
My love for you is not a mistake.
How can a thing that has opened me to such beauty be a mistake?
No, the mistake is you not loving me back.

I thought I had a gift to share. Youve made it a pile.

Plenty of good, honest and caring men have walked by, seeking their chance..a few as much in need of me as I am in need of you...and only in their faces when looking at rejection, do I see how pathetic and alone I have been...begging and pleading with you to just...tolerate me...let me love...let me experience you....while I was and have been blinded by you.
You knew too well. I didnt want them, I want you. And you are right.
But,
  I told you one day I would find my strength and confidence once again to stand up. honestly, I never thought I would. But, in your precious way, you have made my choice for me, a long time ago, really. Like a little girl, I held on to some hope, some memory that let me believe you were real..... that you might even want me too...once the dust settled.
The hope kept me going the last year.
Now, its summer time again and dreaming of you is no longer magical.

I know you never really understood me...you didn't even try. How i could have loved you I don't know. I see you as you are. and i didnt care about any of it, I wanted you still.

I guess there will be no "to be continued" after-all.

Goodbye My Love.....I hope you do well.

Nvr

its my new journal tthing.  Ok. 

 

SO tonight. Uuuuggghhh.  Where to start.   

I havent been on in soooo long...  Ive missed ep a lot.  But I purposely made myself stay away for a couple weeks....  because this is where I come to think about him.  Aheartbreaker.....where are you?????  Why?

I cant do it yet.  Soon maybe.  Goodnite.

 

Nvr

My mood: very numb